Let’s Talk about Body Image!

Body Image. As women, I would argue this is something we ALL battle with on some level. Society has painted a picture of what women ‘should’ look like and the worst part is that picture is constantly changing with whatever the trend is at the moment. We need to be thin, but not too thin, we need to be fit but not too muscular, we need to have a thigh gap, perfect teeth, perfect hair, perfect butt, but also not too perfect. Whatever the current trend is, it’s impossible to fit in all of the boxes and with social media, it only puts more pressure on us.

This subject is heavy on my mind as I sit here recovering from my explant surgery. I thought I would share my personal journey with body image, in hopes it may help some or all of you who read this in some way! Rewinding all the way back to childhood, I have always been the ‘tiny’ girl. No, I have never battled with being overweight but it doesn’t mean I haven’t fought my own battles. If anything it has made me realize even more so that it doesn’t matter what you look like, we ALL have our own demons inside our heads when it comes to the way we look. Constantly being referred to as small and essentially being praised for that, put pressure on me to always be tiny, to be small and ‘cute’. Thankfully, I have never dealt with a full on eating disorder but I definitely went through phases of disordered eating. I know a lot of women deal with anorexia and/or bulimia and thankfully I never went down those roads, but I do believe that having a disordered way of thinking about food is still an issue.

In high school I remember just trying to eat less, I really knew nothing about nutrition (I don’t think many of us did then) and so all I knew was if I ate small I would be small. Unfortunately this never gave me the physique I wanted and usually just ended up in over-eating at some point and then being mad at myself for it. I lived in this type of eating cycle for years, never really knowing what good nutrition looked like. In highschool I was a cheerleader so we all know the stigma that comes with that, better stay small! I took up track and running because of course, the more cardio the better, right?! I truly did love running and it became my favorite form of exercise, however I quickly got sucked into the more is better mentality. Run more and I will stay small. The funny part is, looking back I was tiny but never happy with my physique. I remember eating bowls of Special K red berries then going for a 10+ mile run wondering why I felt like crap and still didn’t like what I saw in the mirror.

Enter Crossfit. Once I was introduced to Crossfit, my world started to change. I was introduced to lifting weights and that’s when real physique change started to happen. I slowly started to learn what good (or better than what I had been doing) nutrition looked like. My mindset shifted from just trying to stay small, to wanting to fuel my body to get stronger. However, that little voice in my head still didn’t want me to get too beefy- be strong but still be lean and womanly. It’s a tough battle to fight. Enter 2017 when I was super strong, I was super lean and of course, all signs of having any boobs were gone. I was a solid A cup and thought if I get implants then I will be happy and have the best of both worlds- lean, fit and have that womanly side of me. At that stage, I wasn’t looking into the risks, I just had made my mind up that’s what I wanted and needed and did it.

Surprise, surprise, having that surgery did not fix my body image issues! I still found ways to pick myself apart and what I needed to change about myself. Honestly, in some ways getting that surgery made my issues worse! It was a whole new world adapting to having them and actually, shortly after getting them I contemplated getting them out. I didn’t feel like myself, I felt like I had something on my body that didn’t belong and then from there on out I battled back and forth with loving them and hating them- another thing to pick myself apart about!

Being in a coaching position, I felt that I had a specific image/physique to uphold and so I allowed this to add to my issues as well. I could preach self-love and body-love all day long, but to apply it in my own life was tough. I truly believe that being in the coaching position, made me do the work in myself to work through this and truly love myself and my body for what it is. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s something I will always have to work on, but doing the work every day to look in the mirror and choose to love what I see instead of immediately tear myself a part has made me a happier, healthier person and a better coach! I’m thankful for the position that i’m in and see this as a journey we are all in together!

Don’t forget that, loving ourselves and the bodies we are in is a CHOICE, in a world where social media is constantly trying to brainwash us into what we should look like, we have to choose to look in the mirror and love and accept what we’ve been given! Once I chose to shift my mindset to being the healthiest version of myself from the INSIDE out, it changed my life. I started to love what I saw because I actually felt good! Ways that I have done this:

-Moving every day, but listing to my body! Some days it may be an intense workout, others it may be yoga and walking. Shifting from feeling like I need to crush my body in the gym 6 days a week, to taking a step back and asking what it needs on that day, has created so much more balance and health in my body and mind! Viewing movement as a privilege instead of a have to is life-changing!

-Positive affirmations. They might feel silly at first, but saying out loud what I love about my body, catching myself when a negative thought creeps in and shifting my narrative, over and over and over again has made a huge difference. It doesn’t happen overnight (still working on this!) but just like any habit the more we do it, the more it becomes automatic!

-Meditation. To some this might feel a little ‘woo-woo’ but truly all it is, is getting still and being with yourself. So many times we just stay busy to ignore what we are really feeling and meditation allows us that space to come face to face with our true feelings and thoughts and in the end, can create so much healing and growth. I do this every morning, sometimes its 5 minutes, others it’s 20!

-Journaling. For me, writing my thoughts and feelings and whatever comes to mind is so powerful, healing and mind-clearing. Some days when my pen hits the paper I have no clue what i’m going to write about and then it will just flow. When it comes to body image, I have worked through so many thoughts and feelings through journaling. This is a great way to practice positive affirmations and write down positive, uplifting things about your body- even if you don’t initially believe it, the more you do it, the more you will believe!

-Fueling my body with foods that give me health and life! For quite some time I was sucked into the counting my macros world and don’t get me wrong I still fully believe in this method!! However, one flaw was that I was fitting in low quality, processed foods more often than not. I was more obsessed over just hitting my calories and macro goals than I was getting in foods that were truly fueling my body. Once I married eating the right about of calories, proteins, carbs and fats with high quality, nutrient dense foods the majority of my days, is when I saw the biggest changes in my physique…. not being small, but being super healthy, fit and feeling my absolute best!

I chose to have this explant surgery because I no longer felt I needed something foreign in my body to love my body. I want to clarify that I have ZERO judgement towards anyone who has implants and at the end of the day, I think that everyone should do what they want to feel their absolute best!! For me, I got to a place where I just didn’t feel aligned or like my healthiest self with them in. I know a lot of women with them in have battled severe symptoms of breast implant illness and that was not me. However, I did make a list of small symptoms I had that I was curious to see if they went away after I got them out. So far I have immediately noticed the following:

-The whites of my eyes are a much brighter white.

-I had constant congestion and inflammation in and around my nose- that’s gone.

-I had inflammation and join pain in my knees, ankles and wrists that I had never had before, so far, it’s completely gone.

-I felt like I couldn’t take a full, true, deep breath and had a lot of tightness and pains around my implants. Gone!

-Brain fog, so far even just post surgery i’m feeling super clear-minded and energetic!

-Some things that will take some time to see if they are related to the implants and gone are super itchy, dry- eczema like skin issues, fairly regular days where I felt extreme fatigue and trouble recovering from workouts, even though i’ve done more yoga than ever in my life! I will update this as my journey continues!

My hope for each and every woman is that we all find how to truly, deeply love the bodies we have been given. We all deserve a life where we don’t waste precious time obsessing over what we don’t have or want to change. If you struggle with this at all I am always here to talk! Today, I encourage you to look in the mirror and choose to obsess over how beautiful you are!:)

Love,

Katy